Saturday, December 5, 2009

What's Sa Matta For YOU?

When I was growing up, my Italian grandma would sing this song if she saw that I was hanging a face. Stop me if you've heard it.

What's sa matta for you?
Why you looka so sad?
It's ah not so bad.
It's a nice-ah place.
Ah! Shut up-ah you face!!

Before I knew it, I was laughing and all was better. I wish problems with friends were that easy!

I am lucky. I have many friends.

I claim to be very careful of whom to get close to. I really have to feel that "click" before I dive into a friendship. Then logic says that my friends should be primarily of the same temperament, right? They should be relatively easy going, ready to laugh, and know that my first language is sarcasm. They all are and can usually match my sarcasm word for word.

Very rarely do I have conflict with any of my friends. What is most amazing to me however is how differently we all deal with it. Let's start with me. If I feel the tiniest bit of unease, I lay my cards on the table and immediately want to to settle the matter. I don't like misunderstanding or the thought of hurt feelings. I find out what's wrong, and if I can, fix it. Thank God I have a few friends who are like this. It makes life so much easier.

Then there are my friends that are so reserved I generally don't know anything is wrong until I haven't heard from them for a few weeks. When enough time goes by that I can assume there is a problem as opposed to their just being busy, I will pick of the phone. And as frustrating as all of this guessing is, when I ask them if there's a problem, they spill their guts and we're fine. UUUGGHHH!! So easy! I am always amazed at the time lost when all they had to do was SAY something.

Then there are my friends who act as if nothing is wrong when I see them day to day and yet the tension between us is vibrating with niceties! It's like that scene in Sense and Sensibility where Mrs. Dashwood says "If you cannot think of anything appropriate to say you will please restrict your remarks to the weather." There's only so much rain and sunshine you can talk about before you go nuts. Bottom line? I usually have to put my big girl panties on and say, "Have I done something?"

What I don't understand is why people waste energy being angry with each other. I take this sort of personally because my heart says, "Their feelings are obviously worth more than our friendship." If they won't come and talk to me then how much do I really mean to them as a friend? What my head says is, "I know most people would rather eat nails than have face-to-face conflict."

I guess we all have our roles in life. Some of my friends are superb comforters, some are the funniest people I know, some are the best commiserators. I guess I am like... the best Judge Judy. Hear the case, solve the problem. Who's next?

AHHH! Shut-up ah you FACE!


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

This really resonates with me today. I am exactly like you are. My very best friend in the world will do anything to avoid confrontation with anyone.

Our friendship is being tested now because of her avoidance--it is a long story, but I am really worried that this time we may not make it.

Blondie said...

This is so true! I have some friends that will simply avoid me if we are having a conflict. How can they do that? Thanks so much for the sweet comments on my Pearl Harbor post honey. I hope you had a truly great weekend. Kori xoxo

Berowne said...

"My first language is sarcasm."

Good. But it doesn't seem to go over all that well in Bloggoland.

Stacie said...

Jenn- I hope that you and your friend are able to get things straight. It's so hard when one of you is afraid.

Blondie- You're welcome! I loved it. You have great posts on an era that I love. I went to your blog the other day and it wasn't there. Then I noticed you were changing things around and I let out a sigh of relief.

Berowne- Don't I know it! Even outside of Bloggoland I can get myself into trouble and not even know it. I try to be careful.

otin said...

My best friends in life have started out as enemies, strangely enough. Well, not really enemies, just not initially friendly.

Out-Numbered said...

Hey dude. I just wanted to stop by and say thanks for your awesome comments today. Really made me smile. OK... Now I'll shutupa my face.

phd in yogurtry said...

How long has it been since I've heard that song? FOR-EVER! Thanks for the laugh.

I wish more people were like you. My social life would be a safer place, I think.

And the "rather eat nails" than face conflict? I'm married to that guy.

Keely said...

Hehhehheheh. I like your grandma, I'm going to sing that song to crabby people now.