Wednesday, August 27, 2008

MAD MADGE is seriously in TROUBLE!

I have no idea how this award thingy works. I don't know if or how you send it so I am sure you all will let me know. This award is for Madge. It's for making blogging seem so fun (well, it is!) but never telling me that everything else in my life will become obsolete...Okay! Okay! I'm getting the baby her bottle already! It is also for those bloggers whose posts keep us from getting to the things we all need to be doing. Well, maybe need is a too strong a word.

Dearest Madge
Your madness reigns.
I've created this award
in your blessed name.

You painted pictures
of a world divine
where people like me
could speak their mind.

A place where tears
can be we wept unabashed,
and laughter rings
through this internet cache.

An Eden so tempting,
a red apple with appeal.
But Pandora's Box
was cleverly concealed.

So today is your day
to be honored, Fair Queen!
Or perchance might your name
really be EVE?

Monday, August 25, 2008

I Smite Thee O Jackass Who Parketh in the School Car Line!

As I waited in the car line this afternoon for Son to get out of school, the lady in the car in front of me decided that it would be quicker if she GOT OUT OF HER CAR (yes, while the car is still in the single file car line which has now begun to move forward) and WALK to the front of the school to pick up her child. So we, and about 20 cars behind us are blocked from either moving ahead or back. When said jackass returned with jackass son, I got out of my car and asked if she was having car problems. She said "No." So I told the super sized jackass that her parking her car in the car line caused many problems for all in the car line. Jackass replied snidely, "Thank you for the information." I replied, "Well, maybe you'll learn something from the information because IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU!" I didn't hear anything after that because jackass's son was simultaneously yelling obscenities at me. He was probably all of 11 years old but not too young to learn jackass ways from jackass mother! Then I told the principal on her.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I miss him...

Tony's been gone a week...He comes back today... I must miss him terribly because now I have resorted to cleaning my dining room crystal chandelier to occupy my mind as he gets on a plane for the 11th time this week...

Thursday, August 21, 2008


NOTE: I read Tootsie Farklepants post at Vintage Thirty and became inspired to write this post. I had the math homework conversation last night with Son (see below). I hope she doesn't mind my comiserating with her but I had to vent and after reading her post, I felt so much less alone in the world of tween parenting.

I am SICK SICK SICK to death of the sense of entitlement that these shitbird (sorry, there goes that word again) kids have nowadays. (Oh God! I sound like my grandparents). Let me make it more clear with a few examples:

1. "It' not my fault."

Example: We're sitting at the table and son pulls out math homework and announces he has taken home the wrong math sheet. So I ask him about the unfinished mathsheet in his hand. Son says that was last night's homework. So, I blow a gasket and tell Son that he is not being responsible. So he gets upset and says, mind you, seriously, " How is it my fault that I picked up the wrong math sheet?"

2. "What d'ya mean I...?!?"

Example: Son does not have cell phone. Occasionally, Son uses one of my cell phones when at the park, or going to functions outside of the home like sleepovers, etc. Son looses the cell phone we allowed him to use. We tell him that he will have to pay for the lost cell phone. "What d'ya mean I have to pay for it...I didn't mean to lose it!! That's unfair!"

3. "They (as in school teachers, administrators, etc.) can't do that to a kid!"

Example: My husband is an artist and I am sure that this does not help situation at all! Son goes to school and gets caught drawing in class. The teachers at his school are very accomadating to Son's skill in art and try to incorporate his abilities into school work. Hell! It's an arts magnet school! He get's two hours of art everyday! The rule however, is no drawing in class. Teacher takes son's art (after third time of warning) and pitches it into the trash. Son says to me when he gets in the car, "You need to go up to the principal's office and get her fired! They can't do that to a kid! It's my ART!!!"

SICK! SICK! SICK! does not even begin to cover the crap this child...yes, CHILD! is throwing my way. It's time for a COME TO JESUS MEETING!!

I disagree...Sometimes you do need a proctologist for a cerebral hemorrhage...I am the one hemorrhaging and he's the one who needs my foot up his butt!!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Christmas in August!

Hello Everyone! So it turns out that my three children are all born in August. Evidently, Thanksgiving is more fun than I remember. Tryptophan must be the new date rape drug...anyhow, the birthdays are August 3, 13, and 23. Please don't ask how I managed that. The first two were both inductions so maybe I could've fudged those but the third one (last year) came on her own to my huge delight. (Those of you who have had an induction where the epidural did not work will understand). So August is like a mini Christmas for us financially but strategically it lasts for pretty much the whole month. To add a little something special, school starts in the middle of it all. Why haven't I thrown myself off of a cliff you ask? Because crazy people don't know they're crazy...AND a good dose of any psychopharmaceutical will keep you on the straight and narrow.

The point of this post is that I have a first and thirteenth birthday left to plan (Geez.. must have done something really wrong somewhere). I am going to take a bit of a break to muddle through August. Come September first, I will probaby be either dead or really hungover. See you then!

P.S. I REALLY miss being pregnant. I will hate it when, on the 13th, I will not be able to say "Last year at this time I was pregnant." DH just doesn't understand this at all. Maybe no one does but me.