Thursday, July 17, 2008

Shitbird and Other Term s of Endearment


Let me go ahead and apologize for the language up front...First and foremost, I think cursing is beautiful form of self expression (thank Jesus my kids don't know about this blog or I would be so eating crow). In our home, Tony and I have a term of endearment for all beings under our roof...Shitbird....say it, it's fun to say...Shitbird...We also say things like "Are you on the Crack Rock?" when the kids do stupid things (yes, don't cringe, we also use the word stupid). We use words that are appropriate for the situation. There's no candy-coating in this domicile!


After surfing the blog world, I decided that I will not be hesitant to talk like I do all the time...that includes some language that some may find offensive. So here's the disclaimer:


THIS BLOG MAY CONTAIN SITUATIONS

OR LANGUAGE INAPPROPRIATE

FOR SMALL CHILDREN.

PARENTAL SUPERVISION IS ADVISED.


Okay, now for my rant...


So I'm doing laundry the other day (notice I did not say that I "did" the laundry the other day because it doesn't ever end! There's a 4' X 4' area of my kitchen floor that hasn't seen the light of day in years due to the pile in front of my washer and dryer. I just mop around it...when I mop), and I notice that there's a shirt of my 13 year old son's on top of the pile that I JUST put in his room to be put away, i.e., it was clean! Okay, he's 13 and was careless...So I put it in the washer to wash it AGAIN and I go to grab the next item and it's CLEAN!!! As is the next and the next...Now I am PISSED for two reasons:


Number one, the f**king clothes are CLEAN and I so LOVE doing the damn laundry. I have a freaking Bachelor of Science in Engineering and Masters Degree in Public Administration but LAUNDRY is my preferred occupation! When I was given the chance to be a stay-at-home-mom and leave the workforce, LAUNDRY was all I could think about. I didn't have to wait anymore until AFTER work to do the LAUNDRY...I could do it all day long! For those of you who work, try not to be jealous. Oh! It couldn't have been my 8 year old girl's LAUNDRY. It had to be my son's laundry which is saturated with little boy STINK....mmmm...mmm..Sarcasm aside, I wanted to wring his newly-adorned-with-an-adam's-apple neck.


Number two, if you're gonna put clean clothes back in the laundry instead of putting them in your drawer, at least wait a few days to walk the 100 or so steps back to the kitchen (instead of the three to your drawer) to put them back in the pile...I might second guess myself and consider the fact that perhaps you wore them and I didn't notice...AND, UNFOLDING THEM WOULD BE SMART!!!! SHITBIRD! SHITBIRD! SHITBIRD! Not only did I give birth to a 10 lb 3 oz sloth, but a dumb ass one at that.


13 year old son does his own LAUNDRY now... Thanks for letting me rant...

8 comments:

phd in yogurtry said...

Smart chick.

Have experienced same - clean clothes recycled many times over -- lazy shitbirds is right! shitbirds. I love it.

My 13 year old does his own laundry, too. Which is wonderfully freeing for me and Dh (Dh used to do his own plus son's. I did the twins (10 y/o). Plus mine. Now Dh mostly does the twins. Heh heh. But the girls are being trained. They're next on the child-slave-trade-market).

So I was saying how wonderfully freeing. Until I walk into son's room and his clean laundry is all over the floor ... in piles ... not in piles. His filing system.

"But I know where everything IS MOM!!"

Ayiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Walk away. Put the butter knife down. Walk slowly away.

Madge said...

seriously. i don't think i can hang out with you if you are going to swear.

Stacie said...

phdinyogurty, I have seriously thought about cleaning 13 year old's room the way I like it and then going to the door and taking a picture which I will blow up to fit the opening of his door. Where's my camera...

Stacie said...

I am so sorry madge that I have disappointed you...I know that I act like a primadonna when we go out to dinner and then to Barnes and Noble (like a couple of old people) but this is the real me, OKAY!!??!! Can't you just like me for who I am???

Louise said...

The appropriate word at the appropriate time. What more can anyone ask?

And I like the taking a picture of the room idea. Here's MY new plan (for 4 and 6-year-old daughters.) I clean their room and the playroom the way I like it. Then take several pictures. Hang those pictures on the wall. Then after clean-up time, everything that is not in those places gets thrown away, so it will still at least LOOK like the way I like it.

(Was that bitter? I'm dealing with more-than-usual mess and whining today.)

Stacie said...

I am totally using your idea...Bitter can be good...I like bitter...

Manager Mom said...

Further proof that laundry is an instrument of Satan.

Jennifer H said...

Laundry bites ass. (I'm taking the liberty of swearing here today...forgive me)

I hate laundry. I made my kids sort it, today, but the golden egg would be if I could get them to fold it.

Shitbirds is an awesome word. Love it!